How to Be a Strength-Based Parent
By focusing on our children's strengths, we can help them flourish—and stop being so critical and worried.
[This article was written by Dr. Lea Waters and can be found in the October, 2, 2018 edition of Greater Good Magazine.]
My stomach knotted as I came home after a long day at work to find my fifteen-year-old son Nick playing “Fortnite.” Again.
Just yesterday, I’d spoken with him (read: snapped at him) about screen time. Today, an argument began. Again.
He felt angry. I felt frustrated. We both felt misunderstood.
Why do we zoom in on the things about our children that concern us more than the things that delight us? Why do we find it so hard to resist the urge to criticize, nag, and worry?
Blame it on our brains. Our “negativity bias,” an ancient survival mechanism, hardwires us to spot problems in our environment more quickly than we spot the things that are going well. I call it the Dirty Window Syndrome: A clean window doesn’t attract your attention; you look straight through it. But a dirty window is something you notice. What’s more, your focus on one specific part of the window—the dirt—means you’ll often fail to see that the rest of the window is still clean and showing you a beautiful view.
Read the full article Greater Good Magazine.
About the Author
Lea Waters, Ph.D., is a psychologist, university researcher, author, and speaker who specializes in positive education, parenting, and organizations. She is the 2017-2019 president of the International Positive Psychology Association and is the author of The Strength Switch: How the New Science of Strength-Based Parenting Can Help Your Child and Your Teen to Flourish.
This essay is adapted from The Strength Switch: How the New Science of Strength-Based Parenting Can Help Your Child and Your Teen to Flourish by arrangement with Avery, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. Copyright © 2017, Lea Waters.